I love being Jewish and believe in G‑d, but find it hard to believe that He really cares if I eat non-kosher food, watch TV on Friday night, or pray every day. Am I really supposed to believe that this is what G‑d wants from me?

Answer

You don’t have to believe, you just have to listen. G‑d expressly told us what He wants in the Torah. And if they are things you would least expect, that is a sure sign that G‑d really asked for them.

It’s a bit like your wife. If you keep doing what you think she wants you to do, you are almost guaranteed to upset her. You are thinking like a man. She is a woman. You are thinking like you. She is not you.

Ask her what makes her happy. You may be surprised. You think she wants expensive jewelry, but maybe she prefers a thoughtful but cheaper gift with a heartfelt handwritten card. You may expect that she will enjoy a night out at a fancy restaurant. Meanwhile, she’d be happier with a quiet evening at home if you’d just take a break from your phone.

After all you’ve done for her, you wonder why she is frustrated with you. You can buy her all the jewelry you want; it’s not what she wants. And if she’s not happy, it’s because you didn’t listen.

Your wife is human like you, and yet she baffles you. What do you expect from G‑d? We can’t even begin to know what He wants unless He tells us. And He did. That’s what a mitzvah is: G‑d spelling out what He wants from us.

You can make your wife (and G‑d) happy if you stop guessing and just listen.